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Money
Talks / August 2007 Justus
Morgan |
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There are
few topics that can bring couples closer or divide them further than money.
Whether you’ve been with your partner for one year or 50, how you talk about
and handle money can have a significant impact on your relationship and on
your family. The keys
to addressing money-related issues are the same as those necessary in
addressing other aspects of your relationship. They include trust, respect
and compromise. All healthy
relationships must be built on a foundation of trust. In dealing with money,
couples should discuss their shared financial goals. While not all goals
involve money, a significant number will have financial implications that
should be considered in advance and factored into planning. By identifying
common goals, couples will be better prepared to confront and cope with
obstacles that arise that impact their financial situations. Another
way to build trust in relationships is to be honest about your financial
situation. Couples who are considering
merging their financial lives need to have accurate information upon which to
base their financial goals and plans. Whether you combine everything jointly
or maintain separate accounts, you should disclose to your partner your
assets and more importantly your debts. Trying to suppress information about
a separate credit card balance that you hope to pay off before your future spouse
is aware of it only creates stress and anxiety in the relationship. Because
every individual has a unique attitude and perspective about money based on
their own situations, having respect for your partner is a key ingredient for
a healthy relationship relative to money issues. Recognizing that past experiences
define our money scripts and values will allow a couple to collaborate more
effectively even if attitudes and values differ. In most
relationships, one partner is often labeled as the spender and the other as
the saver. Naturally this varies in degree based on the financial situations
of the partners, but it’s healthy to recognize that both styles serve a
function in a balanced relationship. Without that balance, couples could find
themselves feverishly saving every penny and failing to participate fully in
life experiences, or they could spend to excess with little care to mounting
debt and the implications that has on the future of the relationship. Demonstrating
the ability to compromise will not only further build trust in a relationship
but is a critical aspect of financial flexibility. Inevitably, even with the
best of planning and intention, you may come to a point where you have to
prioritize your desires based on your financial outlook. You may find
yourself confronted with several things you want to do, but lack the funds to
be able to do them. You’ll need to work together to decide what’s important,
what can wait, what opportunity you can’t afford to
miss and other critical topics. On-going
understanding and dialogue about the household’s overall financial status is
important so that spouses aren’t surprised if and when changes need to be
made. It’s not uncommon for one spouse to handle the personal finances for
the family. If this is the case, keeping the other spouse fully in the loop
is critical, especially in terms of managing expectations and minimizing fear
of the unknown. How you
choose to deal with financial matters as a couple, not only impacts your
relationship with your spouse but your children as well. Can you remember
positive or negative experiences with money that involved your parents? These
events helped forge your own attitudes and beliefs and assumptions about
money. There are
many aspects to forging a great relationship. Building trust, demonstrating
respect, and being willing to compromise are all important attributes in
addressing money related issues with your partner. Justus
Morgan is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ practitioner with Financial Service
Group, Inc., a registered investment advisory firm in |