|
Making Your Wishes Known Keeps You
in Control Michael P Haubrich,
CFP |
|
|
|
Previously
in this column, I discussed a communication technique which I call “caring
conversations” – an intergenerational discussion about long term care. This along with the basic estate planning
documents of HCPOA, FPOA and Wills helps families prepare and deal with the
final life transition, end of life. I
have found another valuable tool to add to the process of caring
conversations – Five WishesÔ. Five Wishes, a resource available
from Aging with Dignity, is a set of documents when completed informs and
instructs loved ones and care givers about the kind of care, treatment and
environment we wish to experience if we get seriously ill or at the last
stage of life. It specifically
addresses your personal, emotional and spiritual needs along with your
medical wishes. Five Wishes was born from the
experiences of attorney Jim Towey, who for 12 years
worked closely with Mother Teresa caring for both terminally ill patients and
their families. One of those years was
spent working hands-on in a hospice center.
He discovered five consistent wishes that seemed to summarize
patient’s desires at the most critical time of their lives. He then developed a set of legal and instructional
documents that anyone can use to express their personal desires. These include:
The first two essentially serve as
the Health Care Power of Attorney and Living Will. For residents of Wish Three, How comfortable I want
to Be, for example, addresses pain management and physical care. This includes instruction to doctors on the
desire for palliative care (pain management) over curative care, personal
hygiene requests, favorite music to be played and/or religious readings and
well-loved poems read aloud when near death.
Wish Four, How I Want People to
Treat Me, deals with requests for people to be near at the time of death,
prayer requests, requests for photos of loved ones
near, and the desire to die at home if possible. Wish Five, What I Want my Loved
Ones to Know, provides a list of
deeply personal statements to family and friends about funeral arrangements,
memorial services, last comments about forgiveness, love and how one wishes
to be remembered and disposition of remains. While these last three wishes are
not legally binding, they serve a valuable purpose to help family and loved
ones adhere to your wishes during this last stage of your life. I have experienced both first hand and as
an advisor to many clients the turmoil and stress families go through trying
to make the right decisions about what would mom or dad want. Tools like caring conversations and the
Five Wishes package provides a road map for the journey all of us will take. For more information on Five
Wishes or to order packages and/or available video tape, go to http://www.agingwithdignity.com/
or call Aging with Dignity (888)594-7437. Five Wishes is a registered
trademark of Aging with Dignity. |